The Unwitting Leftist

So, after years of consuming an alarming amount of Korean media, I finally got my chance to live out the K-drama fantasy.

Well... sort of.

The first Korean guy I ever went on a date with was actually Korean-American, but let me have this.

Unfortunately, this was not the beginning of a slow-burn romance with dramatic OSTs and meaningful eye contact. It was Hinge, so I had to recalibrate my expectations accordingly.

His texting was very straightforward, full of flirty innuendoes and sexual jokes. He made very clear from the get-go what our date was going to be. Fine with me. 

Did I mention he is also a Navy guy? Yeah, fortunately he does not know the frat boy. But maybe my first question when meeting these Americans should be “Where is your place of employment?” I feel like a NATO guy could be the change I need at this point.

So we met at Spinoff, my favorite place for first dates. And because apparently the universe wanted to commit to the bit, the first thing this guy did was move the vase of flowers sitting between us closer to me and say, “Flowers next to the living flower.” Or something like that.

It was such a cheesy Korean line. Something straight out of Boys Over Flowers, really. I laughed out loud, of course, but I was also secretly delighted to be living my K-drama fantasy to the fullest with this (and I can't stress this enough) very cute guy.

The conversation flowed quite easily.

I have to admit, though, that he wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb. I know, I know, I sound like a bitch, but hear me out.

We were talking about our hobbies (his are golfing and motorbikes), and I mentioned reading, of course, because we all know I’m glamorous like that. He told me he’d like to start reading, even though he finds it boring, mainly to expand his vocabulary. Which is actually a pretty good reason to start!

I did die a little inside when he said reading was boring, but we can’t all like the same things. Wanting to better yourself is a good thing. If he ever asked me for book recommendations, I’d happily give them to him. I swear!

So why am I being a bitch about it?

Well, he told me his vocabulary was so limited that he sometimes had to look up words I used. I wasn’t too alarmed at first. I was actually ready to reassure him that some of the more “difficult” English words, especially the ones that come from Latin, are often easier for Italians because they’re so similar to words in our own language.

Then he told me the word he had looked up was “prying.”

And that stopped me in my tracks. Because... isn’t that a pretty normal word?

Obviously, he was born in South Korea, so English isn't his first language. But he moved to the US when he was five, went to American schools, and has spent most of his life speaking English. So I have to admit I was a little puzzled. Maybe there’s a part of his story I don’t know.

Again, I don’t want to be a bitch, but fuck it. We’re judgy here.

I’ll give credit where credit is due, though: I really appreciated that he would just say the things he was thinking instead of going around in circles. I found it quite refreshing.

Of course, he was also a gentleman: walking on the car side of the sidewalk, paying for drinks, opening my car door, and all that. And yes, I’m still very suspicious of these chivalrous Americans.

Now, what went wrong? (Because you know something did.)

Well, the first red flag I noticed was that he kept saying “females” instead of “women.” I didn’t comment on it at first. I just assumed he was very right-wing and decided not to get into it over drinks, since I knew this was likely just going to be a hookup anyway.

The other red-ish flag was that, of course, he’s religious. And not even Catholic, just generic American Christian, which honestly I know very little about. He’s so Christian that he actually has a Bible verse tattooed. Yeah, I know. That’s a lot.

Anyways, we went back to mine because he wanted to “meet the dog,” and of course, you know where this is going. We had sex. Good sex!

I’m not going into details, but I know some people are probably wondering if the stereotypes about Asian men are true. Unfortunately, since I’m committed to a rigorous scientific process, I’ll just say that I don’t have enough data to confirm or deny.

Fast forward to the morning after: I was making breakfast for the both of us while he lounged on my sofa and we talked. (I was fully immersed in the right-wing fantasy.)

I don’t even remember how the conversation got there, but at some point he mentioned that he’s “not a liberal.” I immediately laughed in his face because, yeah, it was pretty clear.

He was surprised by my intuition, so I reminded him that he had referred to women as “females” (and not once called men “males”) the entire night.

And this is where things get interesting

He started to apologize. Huh?

He thought he had been saying “male” and “female,” which would still be kind of weird, but definitely not as explicitly sexist. He actually started correcting himself every time a “female” slipped out of his mouth.

This behavior intrigued me immensely. Thus began my research.

I started asking him questions about common conservative topics, partly out of curiosity and partly because I wanted to figure out how right-wing he actually was. So, let’s go through them one by one:

Abortion: the predictable one

Easy. I was sure he was going to be pro-life.

When I asked him point blank, he told me he believes life begins at conception (no surprise there). He explained that, in his view, if you make that kind of mistake by not being careful enough while having sex, you have to take responsibility for your decisions.

This was pretty much what I expected. But because he had previously mentioned agreeing with Charlie Kirk on some issues, I wanted to understand how far that belief went. So I asked him what he thought about making abortion illegal in all circumstances.

He told me that would be unfair to rape victims. I then asked him if he thought banning abortion for everyone except rape victims would be fair. He said yes, but when I pointed out that many rape victims are not believed when they report what happened, he stopped and acknowledged that it was actually a more complicated issue than he had initially considered.

He told me he doesn’t think abortion is morally right and that, if he and his partner ever faced an unwanted pregnancy, he would want to keep the baby. At the same time, he didn’t feel comfortable saying abortions should be illegal.

Not exactly leftist, but definitely closer to pro-choice than I expected.

LGBTQ+: surprisingly complicated

This one was less obvious. I know plenty of Christians who aren’t homophobic, but the Charlie Kirk comment had stuck with me, so I wanted to cover all my bases.

His answer was that God is the only one who should be judging people. He said that homosexuality may be considered a sin, but having lustful thoughts in general is also a sin, and it is not somehow a lesser one. In his view, we are all human and we all sin, so the only person who can truly judge us is God.

Traditional gender roles: what does that even mean?

He had said multiple times that women should be women and men should be men. At first, I assumed this was a transphobic comment. It wasn’t. (His opinion on trans people was the same as his opinion on gay people: he sees it as a sin, but not a greater sin than the ones he also commits.)

So I started asking what he actually meant by it. I assumed he was saying something along the lines of women belonging in the kitchen, but that wasn’t it. He just meant that he likes feminine women.

What does that mean? Apparently: long hair and polished nails. Okay.

Feminism (or so he thinks)

This was probably the funniest one. He told me he hated feminism, which is a pretty strong statement to make and honestly very much in line with the MAGA crowd I was assuming he was part of.

I asked him what he meant by that, because feminism, as we know, can mean a lot of things. I also disagree with some things that are called “feminist” (looking at you, choice feminism), so I wanted some context.

He started by acknowledging that the political side of it, the human rights side of it, is good. Women are people who deserve their own rights, equal pay, and all of that. Phew.

Then came the part I found funny. What he actually disliked about feminism was seeing women online saying that a man doing something kind, like bringing flowers, is the “bare minimum.”

His argument was that, yes, men should be respectful and kind, but women should also appreciate those gestures. And honestly? I don’t know in what universe being annoyed by shallow internet comments like that counts as “hating feminism.”

I mean, I also dislike the idea that everything a man does should automatically be considered the bare minimum. Obviously, you should be respected as a person, but a man opening a door for me is still a nice gesture. I’m going to say thank you. Of course it tells me nothing about his actual respect for women, but it’s still a kind thing to do.

That was kind of the pattern of the whole conversation. He would say something that immediately made me go “wait, what do you mean by that?”, and then, once we unpacked it, I’d realize that the phrase he used was often much more extreme than what he was actually trying to say.

I did tell him that maybe he should be a little more careful with the blanket statements he makes, because they can make him sound like a much worse person than he actually is. Sure, he’s conservative, but being conservative and agreeing with every position someone like Charlie Kirk has are two very different things, in my humble opinion.

Anyway, that was pretty much everything we talked about. I think I’m seeing him again sometime in August, so if you guys are curious about his stance on other topics, let me know and I’ll make sure to update you.

After all of that I was left with one uncomfortable thought:

This guy probably voted for Trump.

And even though, when you actually talk to him, his politics are not as extreme as your typical MAGA voter, his vote still contributes to policies that might go much further than his own personal beliefs.

And that’s what I find unsettling. Because this is not just an American problem. I think about the people here in Italy who proudly call themselves fascists, or who support things like “remigration,” without necessarily stopping to ask what those ideas would actually look like when translated into laws and applied to real people.

How many people vote based on a slogan, a label, or a feeling, without really thinking about the bigger picture? How many people are unknowingly using their vote to create a reality they might not even fully agree with?

Pretty bleak thought, I know. Sorry.