My Dating Life Is Now a Spreadsheet

We’re halfway through July, and let’s just say these first 15 days have been… productive.

I’ve been on four different dates with three different people (one lucky person even got a second date), I have two more dates lined up, and I’m currently talking to as many people on the apps as my attention span allows.

We’ll get into the specifics in later posts (trust me, we will) but for now, I’d rather collect my thoughts and explain to all two of you just how insane I can actually be. Fun, right?

I know it sounds intense because, realistically, who needs to go on this many first dates in two weeks? But at this point it seems I have started considering dating a competitive sport.

Probably not the best mindset if you’re actually trying to find love, but honestly... is it really possible to find love through Hinge? I sincerely hope not.

Since becoming proficient in Google Sheets (and by proficient I mean I try to use it for literally everything: work, book tracking, personal expenses... you name it, I’ve probably tried to turn it into a spreadsheet), I had the obvious thought: Why not use it to track my dating habits too?

As much as I like telling myself that I’ve been going on so many dates because it’s summer, I’m in my follicular phase (because yes, that information is also in the spreadsheet), and I’m bored, deep down I know the real reason: I’m trying to collect as much data as possible to actually fill up my spreadsheet.

Which is, unfortunately, extremely on brand for me.

But how does the spreadsheet work? Surprisingly, it's pretty straightforward.

I have three Google Forms: one for first dates, one for every date after that, and one for what I call the "end of a situationship."

I track the important things: age, job, nationality, where we met, green flags, red flags, and enough information to determine whether I have a type. The current data suggests I do: foreigners and emotionally unavailable men. An unfortunate combination.

The spreadsheet has also revealed that while the men I date generally love animals, a statistically concerning number of them also turn out to be fascists. Make of that what you will.

I also rank every date based on conversation, attraction, chemistry, and a few other highly scientific metrics. This lets me compare where I meet people, whether some apps perform better than others, (the current sample size for every app that isn't Hinge is exactly zero, but I appreciate having the option), and, perhaps the most important metric of all, the average lifespan of my situationships.

At the moment, I'm sitting at a comfortable four days.

One unexpected benefit of all this dating is discovering new places. I'm hoping to make a map of every date spot by the end of the year. Serial dating might not be the most efficient way to find love, but it has been surprisingly effective at getting me out of my usual routine.

One thing I keep coming back to in my findings, though, is that I seem to be the type of person who sleeps with someone on the first date.

And honestly, that shouldn’t necessarily be a big deal. But it’s something I’ve been thinking about because one of my 2026 resolutions was to stop doing exactly that.

I keep going back and forth on whether I’m actually looking for a connection (I hate that word, by the way) or if I’m just looking for a good time.

Theoretically, having sex on the first date shouldn’t prevent you from building something "real" with someone. But I’ve noticed that, for me at least, it can sometimes create this false sense of emotional intimacy that makes it harder to actually get to know the person in front of me.

And yet despite knowing that, somehow, I keep repeating the same "mistake".

Maybe it’s the liquid courage that makes me much braver than I should be. Maybe it’s that, deep down, I don’t actually care as much about finding some big romantic connection as I tell myself I do.

I realize that having a spreadsheet where I rank my dates and give them stars based on their performance is slightly insane. And more than a little judgmental. It might actually be the dictionary definition of judgmental.

I'm still not entirely sure where this places me ethically.

To make the whole thing a little fairer, I've been toying with the idea of adding one more Google Form; one that I'd send to the guys afterwards so they could rate me too.

Would that be taking things too far?

Or should I simply use it as a way to weed out the people who can't handle my particular brand of crazy?

Thoughts?