Breakfast with the Jo(h)ns

I have a very specific morning routine.

I wake up and immediately make coffee with my moka. (Actually, first I wash said moka, since I usually just leave it on the stove overnight. I don't know how disgusting this is going to be to some people, but we’re moving on.)

Then I decide what gets to accompany my coffee. Most days, it’s a CD playing in the background. But three days a week, I have a different ritual: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and The Weekly Show podcast with Jon Stewart

If you weren’t aware (impossible if we’ve had at least two conversations), these are all political satire shows that mostly deal with what’s happening to our friends across the pond.

I actually started watching The Daily Show in high school, when Trevor Noah was the host. It was my first introduction to American late-night TV, and I immediately loved the premise: a fake news show that somehow helped you understand the real news. I was starting to become more politically aware at the time, and it was a fun way to follow what was happening in the US.

But it wasn’t until Jon Stewart came back to host The Daily Show that this casual interest became a proper routine. (Sorry Trevor, I truly loved you, but Jon is just so incredibly funny.)

I remember watching his first episode back and noticing how excited the audience was. Everyone acted like a legend had returned, and I realized I had completely missed the context. So naturally, I did what any reasonable person would do: I went back and started watching old episodes.

I had to use my VPN to access them (thanks NordVPN, hit me up if you want to become a sponsor), and somewhere along the way I fell completely down the rabbit hole. I started watching old correspondent segments, which is how I discovered John Oliver. Then I found out he had his own show, Last Week Tonight, and obviously I had to check it out. Unsurprisingly, I became obsessed with that too.At this point, you’re probably starting to realize that my “American political satire” interest is less an interest and more me slowly losing my mind over The Daily Show family tree.

Which, by the way, brings me to a personal grievance: Paramount, I have not forgotten what you did. Those old episodes used to be available online for free. Then one random Wednesday, Paramount decided (with no fucking announcement, might I add) to just shut down the Comedy Central website making entire chunks of television history impossible to find.

And do you know what made me realize the extent of this cultural tragedy?

Completely unrelated to my Daily Show obsession, I had recently fallen down a completely different rabbit hole about the Vietnam War and, more broadly, US military war crimes. As these things apparently do, it somehow ended with me subscribing to Seymour Hersh’s Substack. (Yes, it’s a paid subscription, but he is a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, so I’ve decided this counts as an informed investment rather than another unnecessary expense.)

Anyways, the point is, I discovered that Hersh had been a guest on The Daily Show on January 25, 2005, to discuss Abu Ghraib and his book Chain of Command. Naturally, I wanted to watch the episode. Naturally, it was nowhere to be found.

Actually, if any internet pirate happens to be reading this and knows where that episode is hiding, please contact me. I have gone too far to give up now.

Paramount, you bastards. Making decades of television history disappear from the internet is exactly what’s wrong with corporate media.

But despite my ongoing beef with Paramount, my relationship with these shows is now very much a weekly ritual.

Mondays are for John Oliver, Tuesdays are for The Daily Show, and Thursdays are back with Jon for The Weekly Show podcast. Somehow, these three little appointments have become a fixed part of my week.

And I think the reason I keep coming back is simple: they look at what’s happening and don’t act like it’s normal. Sure, they’re hilarious, but when the actual Secretary of Defense (Secretary of War, whatever) is talking about testing testosterone levels in the armed forces, they’re the ones saying: “girl this shit kinda crazy.”

The worrying side effect of this obsession is that I’m pretty sure I’m starting to talk like them. Not in the accent, obviously, but in the timing, the references, and the unnecessary urge to turn every minor inconvenience into a joke.

Dear reader, I fear the influence is permanent.