> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://martas-field-notes.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # So Much for Being Sensible - URL: https://martas-field-notes.ghost.io/so-much-for-being-sensible/ - Published: 2026-10-21T07:30:00.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-21T07:29:59.000Z - Description: I brought a perfectly nice date to meet my friend's ridiculously attractive German friend. What could possibly go wrong? - Author: Marta De Pasquale - Tags: Dating After [all that spiel about my period being late](https://martas-field-notes.ghost.io/a-brief-interlude-of-terror/) and me being careful about using condoms, I not only had unprotected sex, but the guy also came inside! Is this a new trend? Coming inside complete strangers? What the fuck is going on, people? I know you're dying to know, so let me tell you how the fuck we got here. Everything started with a call for help from Flavia. She was hosting some of her Erasmus friends for a couple of days and needed company. One of them was arriving before the others and, since she hadn’t seen him in three years (and had never really spent any time alone with him), she thought it would be nice to go hiking together. In the end, though, hiking never happened. They had a great time catching up on their own, and the German Menace wasn't particularly keen on the idea anyway, so after several changes of plans, we settled on coffee instead. From the moment he arrived, Flavia had been telling me how cute he was, how fun and smart he was, how he smelled like flowers and shot rainbows out of his ass. Just, you know, very subtly letting me know that he was newly single and ready to mingle. Unfortunately for her matchmaking plans, I'd had other things on my mind: the guy I'd been halfway in love with for the past three years, my mysteriously late period, and work being an absolute nightmare. More importantly, I hadn't forgotten that I was (and still am) kind of dating someone else. So I didn't just tell her I wasn't interested. I doubled down and brought The Sensible Option along to meet her and her mysterious German friend. ![](https://static.klipy.com/ii/71b2873e478b9d8d0482ea3ec777ba7f/92/d0/ZcgY1tpc.gif) My day actually starts with a lunch date with said Sensible Option. We haven't seen each other in three weeks, but things are pretty much the same as always. We have a pleasant conversation, he's considerate and insightful, and there's barely an awkward silence because we have so much in common that conversation just flows. After a very light lunch (this man eats like a little bird), I hear back from Flavia and we finally meet for coffee. I realize my mistake as soon as I see the German Menace. I'm so mesmerized by how cute he is that my mind actually goes blank for a few moments. When I come back to life, I realize, to my horror, that I'm just... standing in front of him. Apparently, I've been in a trance. I haven't even said hi to Flavia. I just saw him and beelined straight for him. Things are already awkward as hell, so naturally, I make them worse by thrusting my hand in his face for him to shake while Flavia complains that I've left her hug hanging. I'm mortified. Especially because I remember a second too late that I'm not only kind of dating someone, but he's also standing right behind me and has witnessed the entire thing. We get our coffee, and whenever The Sensible Option disappears to move his bike (which happens several times), Flavia, the German and I talk about how, yes, I’m seeing someone, but I’m still not too sure about him. He’s sweet, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him. I couldn’t point to a single red flag. It’s just that something isn’t clicking. There’s no spark. I even go into detail about how I’m usually a very sexual person, but I just don’t seem to want sex with the guy. Weirdest of all, the few times we’ve had sex (two, to be exact) weren’t even bad, so what the fuck? Anyway, too much information. I was rambling then, just like I’m rambling now. The only difference is that you’re subscribed to this fucking thing, whereas he most definitely wasn’t. So, again, awkward on my part. But to his credit, the German Menace was actually very sweet about it and genuinely gave me advice on the whole situation Even though Flavia and her friend are tired, I’m not ready to say goodbye for two reasons: 1) I’m genuinely having fun, and 2) it’s still so early that coming up with an excuse for my lack of sexual desire at home is going to be difficult. Of course, the eye candy doesn’t hurt. So, even though I’m the only one who really wants to, we go grab beers at Beer Garden. I get there with The Sensible Option before Flavia and her friend, so I have time to flirt with my date and soothe my conscience about being so distracted by another guy. I also buy beers for everyone for good measure. Flavia and I tell funny dating stories to entertain the guys. We drink, we laugh, everything’s going wonderfully. That is, until Flavia and I make our first trip to the bathroom and she tells me that the German is apparently interested in me. *Big* mistake. After that, I obviously start paying more attention to him. Innocent things! Looking at him first whenever I make a joke, batting my eyelashes a little more. You know, the usual. ![](https://static.klipy.com/ii/4493325008d34b7bf8cd6813cd5c1619/4d/db/jtuzX4Aq2gXTnPuXP6.gif) After one more trip to the ladies’ room, I’m pretty sure I’m going to try to get into bed with the German, and the guilt comes rushing back. So I get ridiculously affectionate with my date to try to balance things out. So much so that Flavia starts giving me the side-eye. Apparently, her friend is such a stand-up guy that he wouldn’t want to flirt with me if he saw me being this clingy with the one I’m currently dating. Go figure. As you can imagine, this is getting way too stressful for me, so when we finally decide to call it a night, I’m not exactly bummed about it. Back home, the excuse for not having sex comes pretty easily: I’m on my period! (And it’s not even a lie.) Completely undeterred, The Sensible Option tries to initiate a “define the relationship” conversation at 6 a.m., so I wisely suggest we postpone it because 1) it’s six in the fucking morning, and 2) we haven’t actually been seeing each other that long, so chill. Fast-forward a couple of days and I’m freshly tatted (sick!) and ready for more mistakes to happen at Mosto. I tell myself I’m going mainly to say hi to Flavia’s friends, one of whom I actually know (besides the German). I’m going to show up, drink a couple of beers, mingle with everyone, and head back to my apartment. Alone. Apparently, during one of our cute little bathroom trips at Beer Garden, the two guys had a little chat. The Sensible Option told the German Menace that he wasn’t seeing anyone else and hoped I was doing the same. And the German, being the perfect little boy he is, wasn’t keen on making the first move. Odds definitely not in my favor. The evening starts pretty uneventfully. I’m not even sitting near the German Menace, and I find myself stupidly disappointed. The crush I have on this guy is ridiculous! I’d also have to be the one to flirt with him. I mean, I know he’d be into it, so it’s not like I’d actually be putting myself out there, but still, it kind of feels like I am. The German apologizes for the awkward conversation I must have had with The Sensible Option because of him. I try to tell him it’s not his fault, but really, he’s just fishing for information. Am I exclusive with the guy? To *everyone’s* delight, I am not. I try to make the most of this little conversation with the German, but the situation isn’t ideal. There’s one of Flavia’s friends sitting between us, and he seems to have gone nonverbal. I’ve just spent nine hours getting tattooed without a break, so I’m exhausted, and the others have been drinking longer than I have. We’re definitely not on the same level of *alteration*. On top of that, I’m about to miss the last train home, and I really don’t want to make my way to the bus station alone. Time is running out. During one of the many trips inside, either to get more beer or take a leak, the seating arrangement somehow gets shuffled around. And suddenly, the German decides to sit next to me. ![](https://static.klipy.com/ii/c3a19a0b747a76e98651f2b9a3cca5ff/a3/55/G2Y6W48u.gif) We start talking, barely paying attention to anyone else at the table. We get onto the subject of red and green flags. He says people who are too into astrology and magic are a red flag; I say music snobs are. We both agree that having a good relationship with your siblings is a green flag. Things are going more than well. We’re basically flirting at this point, and I even touch his knee with mine! Bold moves, I know. We’re in our own little bubble until everyone decides to get up and leave us alone. They have to go buy cigarettes, and apparently it’s absolutely imperative that all three of them go together. Did I mention that one of Flavia’s friends has a broken foot? He gets up too. Crutches and all. The German and I are awkward about being left alone for exactly two seconds. Then we decide to have the most meta conversation imaginable: we talk about how we’re into each other, but The Sensible Option is still there. He tells me that something about me caught his attention the moment he saw me. I recount the whole handshake disaster, and he asks me if it's normal in Italy for everyone to suddenly get up and leave two people alone like that. This is going to become a thing with him. Every time he sees something weird happening, his first thought is always, “Ah, this must be some cultural thing I’m not aware of.” Which is honestly very cute. Eventually, Flavia and the others have had enough of being out and having fun and decide it’s time to go to sleep. Flavia doesn’t even hesitate over the fact that the German is supposed to go back to her place. She’s perfectly happy to leave the two of us to it. Me, being the insecure little bitch I am, am not quite as convinced that he actually wants to come back to mine. So we all walk together for about five minutes towards Flavia’s car, only for the German and me to realize halfway there that this makes absolutely no sense, since we’re supposed to be heading in the opposite direction. Anyway, we have one last beer together, and I proceed to talk about all my psychological problems until he gets fed up with my crazy and decides to kiss me, mostly to shut me the fuck up. Then he compliments my kissing, presumably to inflate my ego and make me forget that he only kissed me to shut me up. Okay, okay, I know you’re getting bored. Let’s get to the juicy bit, which is probably the only reason you’ve been reading this thing in the first place. What about the sex? ![](https://static.klipy.com/ii/4e7bea9f7a3371424e6c16ebc93252fe/21/d4/fCxif5a2wKoJoi.gif) Well, we get to my place and start kissing, innocently enough, until I escalate things and get him into bed. He wants to take things slow and do other stuff before moving on to actual sex. Me? I’ve been lusting after this man for two whole days (which I know is a ridiculously short time, but I’m also sexually frustrated, what with the whole not-wanting-to-have-sex-with-the-guy-I’m-actually-dating situation, so leave me be). I’m in no mood to wait, and since I can be quite demanding, I get what I want pretty much immediately. We start having sex. I’m kinda tipsy at this point, so it doesn’t even occur to me to ask him to get a condom. No, that’s not exactly true. It does occur to me. I just think to myself, “Well, we’ll start without one and then I’ll have him put one on in a bit.” Big mistake, because he doesn’t last long enough for there to be a later bit. Obviously, I don’t realize what’s happening until it’s already happened. It’s the second time in my entire life that someone’s had the bright idea to come inside me, and I’d always thought I’d feel it more? You know, having semen inside my vagina? But no, it doesn’t feel particularly different somehow. Anyway, he tells me that, yes, he’s come inside me, and then gives me the weirdest excuse of all time. Ready? He explains that he obviously knew he was about to come. It’s not like it caught him by surprise. He could’ve stopped, but since he’d been in a six-year-long relationship, it apparently never occurred to him that coming inside someone without a condom, without even asking beforehand whether they’re using some kind of contraception, might be frowned upon in certain circles. He actually apologizes more for how quickly he came, which is cute in its own way, I guess. Anyway, I don’t even get that mad at him because he’s just so ridiculously good-looking, and I’m ready for round two. ![](https://static.klipy.com/ii/35ccce3d852f7995dd2da910f2abd795/de/5c/tQILmYLE.gif) Round two, though, is a long way off. Not only is the fun short-lived, but his little friend takes his sweet time recovering. It’s fine. Again, good thing he’s so good-looking. The second time is short again, but he tries very hard. At this point, I start wondering if he might have an actual problem, but I don’t really mind as long as I get to come too. And this is where he manages to get me a little heated. This time around, he asks if I enjoyed it. I say yes, and he somehow replies, “I know women don’t always come, and it doesn’t matter if you do.” Sir? It certainly matters **to me**! He says it in a way that makes me suspect he’s been scolded before for being too hung up on making his sexual partners orgasm. And I get it. It’s true that women can have a harder time reaching orgasm, and sometimes they might genuinely enjoy sex without coming. They might even tell their partners they don't mind if they don't orgasm. And that’s fine. Not everybody has to come every single time. But I certainly have to! Also, it’s so easy to make me orgasm it's almost laughable. You can ask any of my past sexual partners! Why wouldn’t you even try? I am a *delight* to have sex with. That’s the only time I’m actually a little ticked off with him. Come inside all you want, but at least make me come too! The morning after, I wake him up at six for a bit of morning sex to start the workday off right. Then I leave him to check himself out while I head to work. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/aa/cb/aacbbeca-0a79-4480-be82-02fe17b6cfe4/content/images/2026/10/custu-1.png) We did see each other one more time, but nothing particularly eventful happened. He snooped through my sex toy drawer (not very polite), we had lots of sex, he made me breakfast, which was nice, and left me a good review for my hospitality. He’s told me one too many times that I should go to therapy, but I guess I did show a little crazy, so fair enough. He’s also told me I’m welcome to visit him in Germany if I fancy some more quick but intense sex. I might take him up on the offer. --- I know you've probably forgotten about The Sensible Option by now, because honestly, so have I. But do you want to know something funny? For all my struggles to feel attracted to the guy, sex with him is actually much more enjoyable than sex with The German Menace. He makes me come, for starters, which you'd think would count for something. And yet here I am, losing my mind over a man who barely had time to take his shoes off before round one was over. Make it make sense.